About a week ago I told my sister a secret, the Very. Next. DAY. In-...Let me start from the beginning
2 weeks ago I did something...I'm not proud of, and was taken to a hospital, I was worried my family would find out about my condition and just when the doctor assured me since I am over 18 they couldn't call anyone without my permission the ONE person who I hoped would never see me in such a state walked right into the room. I didn't have my glasses at the time but I could tell by how he walked (seriously he HAS to be an Anime, NOBODY walks like that) and I had a full blown panic attack...my reaction was enough for the doctors to worry about my mental stability and I ended up being in an acute care center for a couple days. Apparently these two girls who had been there called him while I was blubbering and he came to the hospital to check on me.
So, as advice from a therapist I decided to try...opening up to people about what happened, first I told my best friend, she hasn't told anyone, I told the guy who walked in (he was extremely accepting and kind), also I told him because I SWEAR he has the WORST luck because he's witnessed many of my mental trip ups (like first few days I met him he witnessed a panic attack, I freak out whenever he touches me [total accidents on his part], and a few other similar situations) then...I decided to take the chance of me seeing my family again as a chance to...try and open up to them. First I told my older sister as she was giving me a ride to my moms house, after I told her she kept trying to force me to promise her something I told her I couldn't promise, in exchange for keeping my part a secret...basically she was trying to get me to promise what got me to the hospital would never happen again, and I have an issue with promises (I HATE not keeping a promise, and what she was asking for was not something I could assure).
Eventually we got to the house and she went to bed, left the next morning. I hung out with my little sister (the 17 year old) and eventually to her what happened. Surprisingly she was very accepting, so it gave me hope and I wanted to tell each member one by one...that was ruined when, after a simple mistake (we thought my brother had football practice), she comes storming in ranting about how shitty my little sister was for forgetting to pick him up and when I tried stepping in the way to defend her she grabbed me, dug her NAILS into me and then proceeded to leave yelling about telling our mom what...I almost did.
I hoped nobody caught on one my he left, but my brother apparently did, my cousin and my little sister were quick to try and defend me (god they are just...I don't deserve them). He kept pushing, I could tell he was worried and I just....I started to cry. All my siblings hugged me and I explained what happened. Now that I think about it my little sister Luna refused to leave my side willingly after that...
When my mom came home she expressed that she...wanted to talk to me alone (Luna kept following us but when I asked her to go inside she did so reluctantly). Apparently my older sister had called my mom...I could tell my mom already knew...but she worded it to sound...just concerned...so I told her.
She was very understanding, even told me a story or two about her own experiences...went off track but I got the point.
It may have ended in the good way...but I don't think I'll be trusting my older sister with anything anytime soon.
And to be honest, I'm worried, what if somebody tells the wrong person? what if me letting someone know makes it blow up in my face again? I keep things a secret usually because I'm afraid of what will happen or if the affect will be...domino.
What do I do?